Social Penetration Theory

Who would've thought that an onion can help in understanding communication? In Social Penetration theory, it is the case and is quite handy in explaining on how relationships are based on it's breadth and depth. Altman, I., & Taylor, D., (1973) said that, breadth is the array or variety of topics that have been incorporated into individuals' lives.  Depth is the amount of information available on each topic. The deeper you cut through the onion, the more smelly or tasty or painful it is to bare.  Altman and Taylor believe each opinion, belief, prejudice, and obsession is layered around and within the individual. As people get to know each other, the layers "shed away" to reveal the core of the person.  This is an anology of how onion's multilayered skin is our different nature of personality, which is needed to be peeled off to eventually show our true colors, may that be our deep dark secret or our unexpected talent. Hence saying, when one outer-layered skin is peeled, another uncovers itself.This is called the Onion Metaphor. 

According to Altman and Taylor, The social penetration theory states that as relationships develop, communication moves from relatively shallow, non intimate levels to deeper, more personal ones. They proposed that closeness occurs through a gradual process of self-disclosure, and it then develops if the participants proceed in a gradual and orderly fashion from superficial to intimate levels of exchange as a function of both immediate and forecast outcomes.

Penetration goes through a number of stages. 

It starts off with the orientation stage. This is where simple and small talks kicks, where harmless clichés like "Yeah, me too" or "Good for you" are often used. At this stage, people tend to just follow the social norm of appropriateness and act a desirable behavior so that they can make, well, a good first impression, and so they can get what they want (usually friendship, or the help with works etc.)

After some time, we now will eventually start to explore one another. It's a process of revealing ourselves; and expressing our feelings towards moderate topics, such as the government, education and so on. This is usually of mutual belief, and that we won't usually express the whole truth towards them, hiding fractures of the truth for the sake of acceptance. At this stage, we won't be comfortable enough to share some of our deeper and more intimate feelings. This can be regard as a casual friendship. This stage is known as exploratory affective stage.

The third, is when it all gets serious. There's intimacy, trust, and thus the comfort of exchanging secrets is there. This is the affective stage where we start to talk about private and personal matters. Secluded thoughts and expressions by now, uncovers itself. Criticism, which is rare before, now starts to rise and arguments too became common. Touching and kissing may also occur in this stage, in the case of couples. This stage equivalent to romantic couples, married couples, best friends, etc.

The stable stage, as what the terms itself describe, is where the relationship starts to stabilize, and having each other knowing their own true colors. At this stage  there's an immediate connection of feelings or in other words, they are somewhat linked, knowing each others feeling by just looking at simple signs (face expression, body language) of the other person. Altman and Taylor mentioned that by now, the relationship reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

The last and lets just say, the least desirable stage is the depenetration stage. In every relationship, the law of reciprocity is crucial. William Morrow, 1993 said that one of the most potent of the weapons of influence around us is the rule for reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us. Therefore, it is important for us to put in effort in a relationship, having both parties to try and initiate communication so the relationship won't backslide. There's a need for both to self-disclose, and that both repay each other, so it doesn't seem that only one side of the relationship is actually preserving. If that is the case, then the relationship will start to break down as the cost exceeds the benefit. Simply saying, the cost is that "one person" having to put in efforts to preserve and eventually trying to heal the relationship, by self disclosing and so on. But when there isn't any form of "paying back the debts" or having no response, or less effort from the other party, as what Morrow said, then there will eventually disclosure of the relationship leading to termination. This is then said to have the cost exceeding the benefit.

This theory makes it's prediction based on the levels of self disclosure, that when self disclosure is high, relationship will develop. Lets now apply this theory to Monica and Richard's relationship in the hit American sitcom comedy by David Crane and Marta Kauffman.

Monica (Courtney Cox) knew Richard (Tom Selleck) from her father; due to them being friends and having him as her eye doctor since her childhood years. It is then foreseen that their orientation stage started when Monica was still a kid, and Richard as an adult. During then, Richard only knew Monica as "my best friend, Jack's daughter". 

Years after, the exploratory affective stage then started when Monica worked as Richard's caterer. They build their conversations through Richard's recent divorce. This is similar to cutting through the depth of the onion by talking about one topic and then digging them deeper and having to joke on them and also giving the typical pity responses. They are self-disclosing, with an awareness to stay appropriate and follow the standards of social norms.

This then eventually leads to something more. Monica was attracted to Richard, and yes, it was a two way street. Long story short, they kissed. This is then the affective stage, with both started to share on how they feel towards each other. They started to talk on private and personal matters as their relationship gradually grows. They also criticize on matters such as how to reveal their relationship towards Monica's parents.

After a while, it is then the stable stage. It began when they both shared a mutual knowledge of having to love one another. They also shared their somewhat deepest secret (their onion's core) when they started to talk about their "obsessive behavior/weird thing". Monica told Richard on her obsessive cleaning behavior, while Richard told her, in return, his "weird thing"; how he needs to sleep on the west side of the bed. By then, they were able to predict the emotional reactions of the other person. For example, when Monica started to look anxious and starts to question everything, Richard would know that there's something wrong.

Their relationship depenetrated because of their difference of opinion. It is also based on how Richard cannot "repay" Monica. They both wanted to be together for life, but it's Richard's unwillingness to give her what she wanted (children),  was what made them decide to terminate their relationship. Looking at the cost-benefit analysis, if they were to go on with the relationship, the cost for Monica was to not have children, and her benefit was, of course, Richard. But then the cost for Monica far exceeds the benefit, which made them decide to disclose the relationship.

This is similar to what everyone experience in life. Meet someone, become friends, and then depenetrate if you decide that you don't like them. But then again, though what Altman and Taylor suggested seems to be applicable to real world experiences, they however seem to ignore major facts and factors which may be a part of how self-disclosure really works. A few of this might be the different races and ethnic background which may differentiate the way each individual communicate. Gender is also a factor and all this factors contributes to the rate on how the onion is "shed".

References:

Altman, I., & Taylor, D., (1973). Social Penetration: The Development of Interpersonal Relationships. NewYork: Holt, Rinehart and Winston

Altman, I. and Taylor, D. A. (1973) Social Penetration, New York: Holst, Rinehart, Winston

Robert B.Cialdini, 1993, author of The Psychology of Persuasion, William Morrow